You can’t go back…and you probably shouldn’t

I really try to be more present in my day but like everyone else my mind drifts from time to time. Lately I’ve been kind of missing my labor and delivery nurse days. I always felt getting to be present when people were having their babies was a little of a privilege. Don’t think I don’t realize I’m romanticizing it a little in hindsight because, believe me, I remember the bad days. Short staffing, administration micromanaging something they have no idea about, being the charge nurse and feeling like you wanted to scream “there’s-no- room-at-the-inn!” every time a big storm rolled through the area….these things I remember clearly and definitely DO NOT MISS.

On the other hand, I also do not think I want to go back to having to look like I’m “sitting on my butt” because I’m watching a sketchy fetal heart rate strip warily and the med-surg nurses who come by to borrow supplies look at me with thinly veiled jealousy. But helping a new mom breastfed for the first time or teaching a nervous new dad how to give the baby a bath and change a diaper–those are the things I miss. Also on nights when we weren’t catching babies like hot-potatoes and we had a mom whose husband was deployed or who was just exhausted and wanted a short nap and we were able to sit in the nursery for a little while and rock/cuddle that wee little person–so fresh and new to this world–well you get where I’m going with that.

The face of healthcare today is way different than it used to be when I romanticized my role of NP. I still get a few of those moments where I get those little ones who are actually excited to come to the “dokers office” to see “Miss Kim” and who act like you’ve given them a million dollars when you find an Elsa sticker or a star sparkly ring. That kind of sweet moment makes up for those days when you think that you will be up all week until midnight, every night, charting, when you feel rushed because your schedule is full, have to call 4 parents about labs and read 5 referral notes and you have no MA… I’m hoping I can start keeping tabs of more moments that are happy with this blog but I can’t and probably shouldn’t go back to being a floor nurse at this point in my life. (My husband would also probably have a near stroke if I even suggested this because of my student loans.) Instead, what I want to do is try to focus on all the good about what I do and to be grateful for those things.

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