That delicious owww

So today was stretch x for P90X which is the only one I look forward to….but the one which burns fewer calories so that I can’t inhale a delicious burger without with less guilt.

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Obviously I didn’t let that stop me (hey, hey judgy— I didn’t have fries) but I did plug it into MyFitnessPal or the asshole-that-tells-me-I-can’t-eat-anymore when I’m starving some days.

Oh a delicious evil hamburger…the very thing I went 14-15 years without eating prior to being pregnant with Lil Bit. Just like the taste aversions stuck around from the Era of All Day Sickness Morning Sickness, so did that particular food craving. It’s not like I eat the deliciousness with mayo or cheese or any other grossness…just ketchup. And I guess if a hamburger is what it takes to make me think past the burn, ache and fatigue then that’s alright, right????

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Motivation and Mommy-time

So as you may recall, if you have been reading this blog, the Moose and I are on a health kick. We are working out, generally being more active, and eating healthy. Part of a problem with this for me is that I require that motivating person to get me going–once I start working out I’m great and get that adrenaline high. I have the same kind of thing when it comes to parties. I always get to a point right before where I don’t want to go, start thinking of other things I should do, complaining about social obligations, etc. Yet when I actually get there, I generally have an awesome time and talk about how I can’t wait to do it again immediately afterwards.

In addition to being healthy, looking and feeling better, I am also doing all of this because in a few more months I’ll be a nurse practitioner and responsible for others health and well being. How could I have any right to tell someone it’s necessary to eat better and exercise for their health if I won’t wear those same shoes?

I don’t want to be one of “those” people who annoy me so I won’t make suggestions to you, my fellow royalty, but I will say that at least for me the past four weeks of working out has led to me feeling less anxious and exhausted, happier…and somehow more organized with the rest of my life. Granted, all of this may be due to some “mommy time” as my own mother calls it. I am usually reluctant to take mommy time or well, we’ll call it Empress time, because I feel that school and work already consume so much of my time that should be spent with Lil Bit.

Don’t worry about the blog, this is usually part of wind-down Empress time spent with the Moose, who is generally researching something on the interwebz himself. And obviously from the long periods of time where there are no posts, I put my family first, school second, work third.

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My first Pinterest fail….

This was supposed to be something entitled “spiced sweet potato and goat cheese egg skillet” instead resembles goat vomit. Despite its paltry appearance, it tastes magnificent. The original recipe from Naturally Ella.

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I also used coriander in place of turmeric which I also think helped, again despite appearances. Lil Bit agrees.

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Bad mom vs good nurse?

So you know when you’re one of those nurses who makes a horrible patient because although deep down mentally you’re afraid you have everything, you refuse to go to the office because you don’t want to be a hypochondriac, le invalid imaginaire, psychosomatic disorder patient? Ok well maybe you don’t know because you’re either A) Not a nurse or B) one of the above patients types. Then you take the aforementioned concept into motherhood and try to not be the new-parent, smart nurse but then you didn’t take you’re kid to the doctor because you were sure she just had a cold, but really she was pretty sick and now you feel like an ass a.k.a. crap mom? *suck in deep breath from your long, run-on sentence*

What makes it even worse is everybody looks at you from you’re professional standpoint like WTH didn’t she bring her sick kid to the doctor for some antibiotics? At least that’s what it feels like. And then you’re all like well I thought it was a cold and my crunchy granola graduate school has made me scared of antibiotic overuse and resistance! At least in my head.

Those not in a healthcare profession probably think that it means access to home healthcare and sometimes they’re right, but many times when it comes to your family members all that expensive knowledge goes right out the window.

Does anyone else out there have any “bad mom” stories?

When All Else Fails Just Lob It

So the Moose and I have been on a health kick. I’m always a little bit of a a food Nazi when it comes to Lil Bit but we aren’t always that way for ourselves…til now. The Moose, who is no small guy to begin with, but very active and outdoorsy, is on a military diet/workout routine for a month. He is dropping lbs like crazy and looking wicked hot in the meantime. The short baby-pudge-carrying everyday Empress over here is using the MyFitness pal, starving, working out with the Moose (p90x) and tennis and I feel like I’m spinning my wheels getting nowhere.

I guess that’s not all true, I FEEL emotionally and physically great. I just don’t see any difference on the scale yet.

While I’m thinking about working out and all that jazz, let me just back up a bit and say that pre-nursing school, baby, and now graduate school I felt like I was in pretty decent shape. I played tennis in high school, ran occasionally, and at one point played some softball. The Moose and I met on the tennis courts. In fact that’s where his nickname came from because he was so tall and gangly he looked like a moose running to the net. Tennis was my first real love (haha pun sort of intended) and where I met my true love. However, tennis has been heavily neglected since I was about eleven weeks pregnant with little bit and fell backwards over my clumsy feet.

So now I find myself back on the courts, trying not to curse when I double fault four times and loose the game. Also trying to convince myself that one day graduate school will be over, Lil Bit will be older and I’ll have time to maybe play in a league again or something. Today we played and ran into our old high school coach. It was so good to see him; it also gave the Moose and I the fever to want to play more.

I really do feel as though I’m in a constant balancing act. I also feel somewhat out of control and I guess I’ll have to do what coach always told us to do when we needed to give ourselves time and get back to where we needed to be….just lob it. I’ll have to deal with what I can and put the rest in God’s hands. I never thought tennis rules would turn into metaphors for my life. C’est la vie.

Anyway, I have two small papers to write and an episode of a Korean drama I like…unfortunately I have to watch the subtitles. Hahaha

Anniversary and School

So hubby and I went out the other night to celebrate our wedding anniversary because I was set to work and he had a function for his part-time business on our ACTUAL anniversary. Life has been good but extremely busy for both of us and we haven’t gone out together in awhile so we were looking forward to the chance. We decided to go to one of our favorite Greek restaurants which, when we got there, had been bought and changed into a pizza place. So we ended up down the road at a little Thai place that was ok but somewhat disappointing. I enjoyed my time with the Moose but when it came to the evening I guess my super romantic husband kind of let me down a bit by not planning things out the way he normally does.

I still enjoyed our evening together but I hope we are able to have a do-over date and do something a little more special.

On a different note, school is great if not a little crazy. I am learning so much. The other day I got to do an excision biopsy and some electro cautery to a lesion. My assessment and differential diagnosis skills are improving and I’ve even seen a couple of patients on my own already. Excited next week about doing a punch biopsy and a couple of other new procedures. My preceptor is a dream, so good with her patients and with me. I never thought I’d like family practice as much as I do! Anyway, I will continue getting to do primary care until April when I start a Peds rotation. I may mention a couple of cool things I do here but will probably not get to specific for privacy reasons. Anyway, Happy Valentine’s day to everyone in case I don’t get to post until after.

Long time no see

I feel the need to apologize in advance but the need for professionalism in my everyday life in a relatively small town requires that I create a space such as this to throw my sarcasm, morbid sense of humor and general need to “remove my filter.”

Life has been unbelievably busy as I knew it would be and there have been a lot of positives which I will share later. For now, let me just say that approaching me with anything requiring any of the aforementioned or requiring any form of acceptance on my part would be the equivalent of kicking sand at a hissing rattlesnake. I’m tired, angry and hurt by varying things and have just been informed cheerfully by my unknowing husband that after working a 13 hr nightshift (I haven’t worked one in a couple months), didn’t sleep the day before of course because I’m out of the habit, that I must stay awake for the garage door to be fixed.
“They’ll be there by 11″ he says nonchalantly. ”
“%@&#*#& when am I going to get to sleep?!?” says me.

Moose: “I don’t know why you’re getting so upset at me for trying to get this fixed , I’m about to hang up on you.”

Me: “I am exhausted, I need to sleep. WTH you’re just like everyone else who doesn’t work nightshift and thinks people who do don’t have to sleep”

Click.

Now let me put this into perspective in a way I immediately texted him:

” How would you feel if you were already sore, tired and aggravated and going to bed and I called you at nine o’clock at night knowing you had to be up with Lil Bit at 1 am,  you didn’t sleep much had just got done working 12-13 hrs and I told you that you had to stay up until 11-12pm for the ducking garage door that shouldn’t even be broken. You’d have been meaner than me”

Did I also mention I work the next two Days (12hr shifts)?

Am I completely out of sorts here? I feel a little bit like I might be but I’m still @%#&#& angry.

P.S. I also now realize that this is the first post in awhile so I apologize for that also.